Hi friends. Today’s episode is a little personal – and I hope I’m not alone and this will resonate with many of you.
Let me ask you something:
Do you ever struggle to talk about your accomplishments?
Do you cringe when someone says, “Tell me about what you’ve done”?
Do you default to phrases like “we did this” or “the team made it happen,” even when you led the entire thing?
If you’re nodding right now, you’re not alone. And good, I’m not alone.
In this episode, I’m sharing how 20 years of using “we” language – while noble – actually made it harder for me to own my impact. And more importantly, how I’ve learned to shift that without feeling like I’m bragging.
Let’s dive in.
Why HR Leaders Default to “We” Language
When I first started leading teams, I knew one thing for sure: the success we had wasn’t mine alone. It was the team’s.
Anytime I presented results to the board or spoke with senior leadership, I was very intentional to use “we” language. We accomplished this. Our team pulled it off. I couldn’t have done it without them.
And all of that was absolutely true. I meant every word.
On the flip side, whenever something didn’t go as planned, I took full responsibility. That’s leadership, right?
Success is shared. Failure is mine.
But here’s the thing: over time, that pattern became so ingrained that I started to minimize my own contributions – even in situations where I was the one making key decisions, guiding strategy, or doing the heavy lifting behind the scenes.
This is really common in HR.
You are conditioned to lead from the middle.
You’re socialized to be humble, collaborative, supportive.
You’re taught not to take up too much space.
And especially if you’re a woman or part of a marginalized group, that message gets even louder: Don’t be too bold. Don’t be too proud. Don’t outshine the group.
But what happens when that message becomes so loud, you can’t even hear yourself anymore?
The Hidden Cost of Not Owning Your HR Wins
There’s a cost to always defaulting to “we” language.
It’s not just about missed recognition.
It’s about visibility.
It’s about leadership identity.
It’s about the message you send to others – especially decision-makers – about your value.
When you only speak in terms of the team, people don’t see what you’re capable of.
You could be driving massive change, turning around culture, influencing senior leaders – but if you’re not articulating that clearly, they won’t know. And that limits your career growth.
It can even breed resentment. I’ve heard it from peers:
“I do so much, but no one seems to notice.”
“Other people get credit, but I stay invisible.”
You know what – It’s not because you’re not doing the work.
It’s because you’re not owning the work.
Why Talking About Yourself Isn’t Bragging
Let’s reframe this.
Talking about your contributions isn’t arrogant – it’s accurate.
It’s strategic.
And most importantly – it’s necessary if you want to grow your influence and your career.
Executives don’t want vague team overviews. They want clarity.
They want to know:
- What did you lead?
- What decisions did you make?
- What outcomes are tied to your leadership?
One of the biggest mindset shifts I’ve had to make – and that I coach others through – is this:
You can be collaborative and still talk about what you did.
You can say:
“I led the design of our new onboarding program. I managed the implementation timeline. The result? A 20% increase in retention in the first 90 days.”
That’s not bragging.
That’s impact.
And people need to hear it.
How to Talk About Yourself Without Feeling Gross
Now you might be thinking,
“Okay Kristen, I get it – but how do I do this without sounding like I’m showing off?”
And I get it. I still struggle with this myself. But think about this formula:
Context → Contribution → Impact.
Let me give you an example.
Instead of saying:
“We improved the onboarding process.”
Say:
“When our retention numbers dropped, I analyzed our onboarding data and saw a big gap. I led a redesign of the program, trained managers on the new approach, and in 6 months, we reduced early attrition by 20%.”
That’s specific.
That’s measurable.
That’s you.
This is a skill. And like any skill, it takes practice.
Start small.
- Write about a win in your journal.
- Share a short story with a friend or family member
- Practice saying your accomplishments out loud before a meeting.
Use strong, clear verbs:
Led. Created. Designed. Facilitated. Improved.
Avoid downplaying language like:
“I just helped with…” “I was involved in…” “I supported…”
Own it. You were essential to the outcome.
What This Means for Your HR Leadership Future
Here’s the bigger picture:
If you want to move into higher levels of leadership – director, VP, CHRO – you need to be seen as someone who leads with clarity and confidence.
That means you know your value, you can speak to it clearly, and you’re not afraid to take ownership of your work.
You don’t have to be flashy. You don’t have to be loud.
But you do have to stop hiding behind the word “we.”
Because you’ve done meaningful work.
You’ve moved the needle.
And your story deserves to be told.
By you.
Weekly Challenge: “Write Your Win”
So here’s your challenge this week.
Pick one recent accomplishment – big or small – and write it out using the Context → Contribution → Impact format.
Then do one of these:
- Say it out loud in your next team meeting or 1:1.
- Text it to a peer or mentor and say, “I’m practicing being more visible – does this sound like me?”
Remember, this isn’t about ego.
It’s about clarity, confidence, and credibility.
You’ve earned it.
Until next time, keep leading, keep growing, and keep striving for that next higher version of yourself.
