I had some dental work done the other day and as I was sitting there with my mouth wide open, that little suction tube gurgling in my ear, it occurred to me… the dentist and I have a lot in common.
And not just because I’ve had my fair share of dental work done over the years.
But because I’ve regularly heard through the years –
“You never want to be called into a room and then see HR sitting there.”
“You don’t ever want to go see HR.”
“The only time to call HR is when something is wrong.”
Sound familiar?
Just like no one wants to go to the dentist, no one really wants to get called to the HR office.
It usually signals a problem – conflict, compliance issues, maybe even job uncertainty.
But the truth is: both dentists and HR professionals play essential roles in preventing long-term damage.
The earlier you as an HR professional are involved, the healthier the outcome – whether we’re talking gums or teams.
So today, we’re diving into how to transform the perception of HR – particularly in those hard moments – by using your executive leadership skills to build trust, navigate tough conversations, and shift the culture.
Executive Leadership in HR Matters More Than Ever
Human Resources is no longer just about policies and procedures. You’re a strategic advisor, a culture shaper, and often the quiet powerhouse behind team dynamics.
As an HR professional, you already know that having difficult conversations comes with the job.
Have you had a supervisor call you after they’ve had a conversation with an employee and cringe about the things they tell you they have said? I know you have.
The ability to engage in hard conversations with empathy, clarity, and control is critical. The managers and supervisors that you work with don’t always have the executive skills necessary to have these conversations effectively and productively.
So it’s crucial that you have those skills to fill the gap and either have the conversation for them or coach them through the process.
Here’s a 3 step framework to use.
3-Step Framework: How to Have Hard HR Conversations That Build Trust
Step 1: Preparation
Before the meeting even starts, take time to prepare both your mindset and your message.
- Mindset: Assume positive intent. Difficult conversations shouldn’t be an attack. They are a chance for alignment, accountability, and clarity.
- Message: Know your facts. Be clear about what the issue is and what outcome you’re aiming for. Rehearse your key points so you don’t overtalk or underdeliver.
Ask yourself:
- What’s the business case for this conversation?
- How do I maintain respect while delivering tough feedback?
✔️ Pro Tip: Script your opening line. Something like, “This conversation is important, and I want us to work through it together.” That one sentence can lower defensiveness immediately.
Step 2: Create Psychological Safety – Start Human, Stay Human
Even when the topic is serious, people need to feel safe to engage. Psychological safety isn’t a “nice-to-have” – it’s a strategic necessity.
Here’s how to create it:
- Start with empathy: “I know this may be uncomfortable. I appreciate you being here.”
- Maintain neutral tone and body language.
- Reflect what you hear. Even if you disagree, show you’re listening.
You’re not just managing the moment. You’re building trust for future moments.
✔️ Pro Tip: Use the 70/30 rule. You talk 30% of the time, and listen 70%. It’s amazing what people reveal when they feel heard.
Step 3: Close with Clarity – End on a Direction, Not a Dead End
Once you’ve had the conversation, don’t let it hang awkwardly in the air. Land the plane.
- Summarize what was discussed.
- Clearly state next steps or expectations.
- Invite questions, and express appreciation for the dialogue.
Remember, people walk out of your office with more than information – they walk out with a story about what happened. Your job is to shape that story with professionalism and purpose.
✔️ Pro Tip: Always confirm the next touchpoint – even if it’s just a quick follow-up email. Clarity now avoids confusion later.
Executive Presence in HR Is Your Secret Weapon
In today’s workplaces, HR professionals with executive skills – strategic thinking, communication, emotional intelligence – are the ones being brought to the decision-making table, not just the disciplinary one.
So when someone walks into your office with tension on their face, you have a choice: to be the HR they fear… or the HR they trust.
Weekly Challenge: The HR Chair Reframe
So here’s your challenge for this week:
Reframe one interaction that you know could be difficult.
- Write down the outcome you want, not just the problem.
- Script your first 2-3 sentences.
- Choose one way to make the conversation feel safe for the other person – even if it’s just how you welcome them into the room.
Then have the conversation.
Notice how your preparation changes the dynamic. Framing these difficult conversations in such a way so that there can be a non-adversarial outcome, will ensure that your HR office doesn’t become the equivalent of the dentist office.
